Monday, February 4, 2008

Some weird news

Dognapping and other news of the weird:

The Purloined Pooch

Mayor Grace Saenz-Lopez (Alice, Texas, pop. 19,000) and her twin sister were indicted in January for hiding evidence in a dognapping case. Saenz-Lopez had agreed to baby-sit a shih tzu but, alarmed by the dog's sickliness, she kept it and lied to the owners that it had died. When it was spotted at a local grooming service, Saenz-Lopez and her sister allegedly began a cover-up that included the mayor's once pretending to be her sister. The mayor told her lawyer that if not for her husband, she would go to jail "for the rest of (my) life" rather than give the dog back. Most recently, Saenz-Lopez reported that the dog had run away, but many of her constituents are skeptical.

The left ham doesn't know what the right ham is doing

A commercial, pre-packaged ham-and-cheese sandwich using one slice of bread is regulated by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, which conducts daily inspections under its jurisdiction, but a ham-and-cheese sandwich on two slices of bread falls to the Food and Drug Administration, which inspects plants about once every five years. That anomaly surfaced in the current presidential campaign and was verified by a Congressional Quarterly-St. Petersburg Times "Politifact" researcher in December. A USDA official admitted to the Times that there "is no rationale or logic" behind the distinction: "(I)t's an issue that makes it look like we don't know what we're doing."

Beheading for Dummies

Samina Malik, 23, was convicted in a British court in December and given a suspended nine-month sentence for having amassed a large collection of how-to books on terrorism. She came to authorities' attention as the self-described "lyrical terrorist" who writes poetry glorifying the Islamic mujahadeen fighters who specialize in beheadings. (From her "How to Behead": "Tilt the fool's head to its left / Saw the knife back and forth / No doubt that the punk will twitch and scream / But ignore the donkey's ass / And continue to slice back and forth."

Out of the Closet

The Austin (Texas) Police Department announced in January that it had suspended Officer Scott Lando, 45, based on preliminary indications that he had been hiring a prostitute while on duty. According to a search warrant affidavit (disclosed in the Austin American-Statesman), Lando had paid for the woman's services in part by giving her free rein over part of Mrs. Lando's closet, declaring that his wife "would never miss" some of the items.

Oops, did I really say that, I was just foolin'

According to police in Honolulu in January, it was Ellis Cleveland who robbed four banks within a five-day span, and that's what an officer said to him as they arrested him. Responded Cleveland, "Four. I didn't do four. I only robbed three banks. But it doesn't matter because I'm not talking to you guys. I want a lawyer." Police later said that Cleveland was not counting the attempted robbery on Dec. 31 of the Bank of Hawaii because, after three different tellers tried unsuccessfully to decipher his holdup note, Cleveland gave up and walked out empty-handed.